in a nutshell

 danny,

    it was really hard to wake up this morning and realize that i was dreaming and that i wasn't with you, that i was just dreaming. nigga i miss you so god damn much, and it seems like instead of getting easier and easier everyday i miss you more and more and it's getting harder. i visit your grave all the time but it doesnt help much, i never knew i'd have to miss you like this dude. i wish we could sit in the grass at the park and chainsmoke while i told you everything going on with me right now and since you've been gone. just like old times. i'd love that so much. and i know you'd listen and so woud i. and i dont know what id do for a hug from you, just one. i'd give just about anything dude. and i miss you calling me hamster haha and running and jumping into your big danny arm hugs. and piggyback rides down the back path. and newports. and leaving me at my birthday party to smoke weed haha and this passed birthday party, being my purse watcher and trying to pick me up when i was so fucked up and passed out on the couch haha. and that time i was barred out and took your 20 dollars right infront of you and said i had no idea what you're talking about ahhaha but you knew i'd pay you back when i was sober and sorry haha. i always had a feeling, like. ugh. i knew someone close to me was going to die soon, i don't know how to explain how i knew that. i just did, it was an intuition. and as much as i saw it coming and knew that the things you were doing were fatal, i never thought you'd actually be gone. ever. it's like... i'm missing part of me. part of my heart. a big part. i try not to cry every day thinking about you. and i think about you so many times every day. we all fucking miss you dude. i would give ANYTHING i have in this world to bring you back. i love you so fucking much dude, you're one of my bestfriends and you always will be. after the five years i knew you, i could never forget your adorable face. you lit up so many of my dark and sad days with nothing more than your smile. i wish this were easier to deal with man. it's killin me. i hate crying. damn. i wish you were here. 

love you always my nigga. always in my heart. forever missed.
chelsea lynn (your sexy hamster)

so theres this girl named sara d'auria. i dont know if you know her, but i met her in the 8th grade and thought she was a completely idiotic human being. and then randomly out of nowhere like a year and a half later we became the best of friends in like a two day period of time. theres never been a time where ive needed to talk or vent or just needed a friend and she wasnt there for me. shes one of those people that can call you crying, talking and talking about their personal life and you really dont mind. like, honestly i could talk to that girl forever. were such similar people, its rediculous. just when you pretty much lose all of your friends, and everyone that you really have ever trusted either is so far away or has just fucked you over, who would think that someone would just walk into my life who will end up being one of the best friends ive ever had? i really do appreciate her, and her friendship. i also appreciate the laughs and talks and smokes.. and even the bitching. haha. shes a really great friend and at this point in my life, im very glad that i have her. and people were soo pissed off when we started hanging out haha. wellll too bad that no matter whooo talks shit and who bitches, nothing is going to change because were just simply better than you. get over it.

sara duck, i love you. youre a great friend, you rotton cunt.

birthdays tomorrow. erics taking me shopping weee.
im gonna be 17, which sucks. because i feel like im
25. haha. i hate not being excited for birthdays anymore.
another fucking year. okay.

my party is saturday night. keg or two.
ask for details.

Karma police, arrest this man, he talks in maths
He buzzes like a fridge, hes like a detuned radio
Karma police, arrest this girl, her hitler hairdo, is making me feel ill
And we have crashed her party
This is what you get, this is what you get
This is what you get, when you mess with us

Karma police, Ive given all I can, its not enough
Ive given all I can, but were still on the payroll
This is what you get, this is what you get
This is what you get, when you mess with us
And for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself
And for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself

For a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself

when i die i will not see myself die for the first time.

yeah so im done. im doing the right thing. no more.
and it feels good to be able to let it go like that.
noo problem. :]


i love my boyfriend more than anything in this world.
i am so grateful for him and i feel so lucky to spend
so much of my life with him. hopefully... all of it : )
im going to show my gratitude a lot more now.


for some reason i feel so happy tonight. i dont know why.
its really great.

well last night was mad fun
i love my boyfriend even though he
neglects me somtimes and passes
out at like 10pm ahahah.
fun night though, with andy.
im so tired cause i havent slept in 2
days, but for some reason i still cant go
to sleep no matter how hard i try.
oh welllllll : ) im content

DO THIS : )

DIY.
ONE; Put your music player on random.
TWO; Post the first line of the first 20 songs that play.
THREE; Seriously. Even if it's Britney Spears.
FOUR; Post the answers whenever.

1. cashmoney niggas, ride or die

2. let me run with you tonight, ill take you on a moonlit ride

3. well i've been lookin real hard and im tryina find a job, but it just keeps getting tougher every day

4. you are my sweetest downfall

5. if you aint got no money take your broke ass home

6. step one, you say we need to talk

7. i've been denied all the best ultrasex

8. where is the moment we needed the most?

9. yes, this is the campaign slithered entrails in the cargo bay

10. all you ladies pop your pussy like this

11. im the rolling thunder, the pouring rain, coming down like a hurricane

12. i know that it is freezing but i think we have to walk

13. baby, cant you see im callin a guy like you should wear a warning; its dangerous, im falling

14. i havent laughed this hard in a long time

15. this beat is my recital, i think its very vital to rock around thats right on time

16. look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted, one moment, would you capture it?

17. here's a little song i wrote, you might want to sing it note for note.

18. look at the stars.

19. young mane for president

20. steppin out the motherfucking car, they in awe.

IM IN A GOOD MOOD TODAY. WHAT?
my little flower blossom came over for dinner last night
and im waiting for him and andy to get here now.
i love my big brutherr and my little ball of sunshine.
i look cute today.. and every other day.
im on spring break and grounded but i aint curr.

&& WHAT NICCAAAA.

congratulations, jenn. i love you more than anything in the world.
i cant wait to be the godmommy of the most beautiful baby in the world.
i know he/she is going to be perfect. im always here for you, girl.
youre my best friend. <3

so last night i was an idiot, and fucked over a few people.
i'm sorry. i really am.

alsoooooo. i'm grounded! : ) woohoo. like always.
except i don't think i'm staying here much longer.
not the way that things are going. i don't diserve
to be treated like shit, even though i do fuck up
sometimes. hmm. well whatevee, i'm used to it.
i'll manage somehow, i always do.
i just think my mom is going to send me somewhere
again maybe. i mean... i'm so much better than i was.
the only thing i've done wrong since i've been home
was last night. that's not a reason to send me away.
just because she can't deal with me. she doesn't talk
to me about things, ever. it's just "youre grounded."
no... chelsea, i didnt know where you were, i was worried,
blabla." no. it's "YOURE A FUCK UP. YOURE A BITCH.
YOURE SELFISH, YOURE A LOSER. YOU'RE A HORRIBLE
KID. YOU'RE GOING BACKWARD. I CAN'T STAND YOU.
YOU'RE GROUNDED. HAHAHA."
like.. what? that makes me want to respect you, mom.
real good job. why dont you put down the bottle and
think about how to develope some kind of relationship
with your daughter before you lose her, too. just like
you've lost everybody else.

i've grown up with such amazing role models.
honest to betsyylou, i hate my life.
im not an emo bitch, but i hate my life so much.
i just want a normal relationship with my mom,
and its not all my fault that i dont have one.
i just want a normal relationship with my boyfriend,
the person i love more than anything but cant trust.
i want normal friends, like i used to.
i want a normal life. not perfect, just normal.
maybe?

i dont think i diserve that.
maybe i do, whateveee.
i love him. last attempt
at making our disfunctional
relationship work. i want it to.
oh my god, i want it to so bad.

im so hurt. its killing me.
how can i not think about her
when im with you? its sickening.
its desgusting. its repulsive.
how can i touch you and not
think of her? how she touched you?
you touched her the way you touch me.
you kissed her the way you kiss me.
make the images go away.
i need you, eric nelson.
i dont know why im still hanging
on. i cant help it. i really cant.
i should let go-- but i cant.
i love you so much.
so why?

nobody will ever love you like i do.
open your eyes. before its too late.

you said youll change. you said almost
losing me again was a smack in the face.
you said you finally see it, wtf were you doing?
you said you'll do anything. please mean it.
dont diappoint me again. i cant handle it.
im so fragile right now. please please
please mean it. last chance. i need it to
work. i need you. i need you. i need you.

be the one for me.
i need you.

me and eric are on the edge.
like.. the edge edge.
i cant take this anymore.
why can't he just... be better to me?
i dont mean anything to him anymore.
i really believe that. ugh, god.
this is our last straw.
PLEASE dont let me down again.
i cant take any more disappointment.
being in love hurts so much.
i wish i had close friends still.
i have none. i need GIRL friends.
reliable ones. ones that i can
see every day. i dont have that
and i never will again.

Odie200003: I love you Chelsea. More then anything in this world.
- i need this. i miss this.

i want my life back.
my perfect life.
SO fucked up and shitty...
but it was so so perfect.
its a hard concept to
understand.

Stuck up in the world all alone
Forced to think that Hell is a place called home
Nothin' else to do but get some clothes and pack
She says she's bout to run away and never come back

things are okay now.
me and eric have had a few problems
the past couple of weeks, but its all
goooooood. im ungrounded again.
and i hung out with eric todayyy.
and sammie and mandi cause i <3 them.
i had some sexxx, ate some cheese,
you know. uhh- hmm. that's about it
in my life right now.
still sober nigga, what?

i adore my boyfriend so much.
and i love my big brother. a lot.

i love eric nelsonpants.
forever and ever and ever and ever and ever.
he's perfect && we're perfect together.
NIGGAAAAAA, AND WHAT?!!!

so i moved & im all settled in.
i spent the weekend with eric
and spent the night at his house
on sunday night and went to drop
him off at school with his mom. : )
i adore him, he's a cutie. i love him so much.
i hope we make it through highschool.
i know i want to- he's my best friend
&&&&&& my boyfriend. i'm so lucky.

i celebrated my last day at the grove! : D
with eric, sammie & mandi. i <3 them.
anyway, my new house is small.
but i have a pool :)
i start school tomorrow- not exciting.
but oh well. im doing duel enrollment next year
and i went shopping and got a lot of cute new clothes.
so that's good. i miss ericccc & cant wait to
see him today or tomorrow.
and omg. SARA&KARA are on their way over.
IM SOOO EXCITED.

im really really happy.
just really bored and miss my baby.
a lot. <3

&s.e.h-- i love you. bff status, always.

today is me and eric's one year.
im so happy. i am so in love with that boy.
he's my number one. my everything.
i'm crrrazzy about him. : )
and i dont deserve him.
january 16, 2006-- forever.
i won't fuck up again. promise.
I LOVE YOU. <3

only a few more hours until my
mom picks me up & i get to see eric.
woo.
life is pretty good right now.
but im nervous about moving again,
to a new school, and being 30 minutes
away from eric. ugh. but we can do it.
i know we can. : ) i love him.
kourtni's moving in with me when she
graduates from the grove, when i move
to Deltona. only until may though.
i<3her. : ) and i love sara elizabeth.
i miss her so much. its okay though.
i know who matters and who i matter to.
and when people love each other nothing
can separate them, RIGHT? right.
&tiffany is getting a car! im so excited.
i<3you tiffy & miss you.

i cant wait to get a life again. haha.
woo. this should be exciting.

i come home at night now. at like 6:00.
i'm not allowed to have a life yet though.
im moving soon. i miss my friends. 
s.e.h- my best friend. i love you
and i'm still in love with eric alexander nelson. <3
forever&always.

im in rehab.
i love you all so much.
i'm okay, and i'll be home soon.
a few weeks, i guess.
i miss you all so much.
i'm moving to deltona soon too.
in a few weeks.
its okay though, i'll still see you all.
rehab sucks, but i'm doing great.
i love you all so so so much.
please don't forget me.
i'm finally doing what i've needed to do
for so long.

natalie far-- i'm sorry.
we need to talk as soon as im home.

username inspired by tifferny, ofcourse <3
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